Question from a course attendee: Sometimes friends and family ask me for advice on things, for example if they feel angry toward someone, do I think they are justified in being angry. And sometimes they talk to me about things people have done to them and express hate and anger toward them.
Belsebuub’s answer: The more you understand yourself, the more you will be able to help them and give them good advice.
Question: How should we react when people come to us and slander other people? Should we listen to what they are saying and stay in awareness and see the egos which arise, or should we ask them (without egos) not to put down and slander other people in front us?
Belsebuub: It depends upon the person and the situation as to how you respond when people come to you and slander others. Stay in awareness and observe any egos that arise in you, because then there will be less chance of having an ego present, which the other person can pick up on to feed their own. Then you can respond in the most appropriate way and they may be less interested in continuing the slander, as their ego may be looking to aggravate and inflame your ego, so that their own ego can feed more.
But you also have to see how the other person will take criticism, whether it’s worth making a comment or not. Sometimes a few words can then diffuse it; sometimes it takes a lot more. Sometimes you are able to help them understand through reason that slander is harmful, but sometimes they may not be open to it and so the more aware you are, the better you can judge the situation and respond accordingly.
Question: Also, when people ask me my opinion in situations where they are angry toward another person, I find it very hard to express my opinion because I see things a lot differently to them, for example I have some understanding of the egos. But I can’t explain it in this way to someone who is not into this way of thinking, so how do we give them advice? I have tried a few times to explain to a friend reasons not to feel anger and hate toward someone else, but they can’t understand where I’m coming from or how I could see things from another perspective. What’s the best way of explaining to someone not to have anger, etc., without telling them about egos and all the rest?
Belsebuub: Without an understanding of self-knowledge, people can find all sorts of reasons to justify their anger. So gradually remove the anger within yourself, and then you will learn and understand more about how to respond in situations that can provoke anger. This will give you more experience when you come to talk about it. And the way you act, if you act without egos, will probably be a good example to your friends, family, etc., even if they don’t want to know about what you say. When you consider that you need to act in defense however, then act, with as little egos as possible, and just do your best. Sometimes slanderers don’t go away—then the best defense against them is the truth, which you should feel free to speak.
To explain about not reacting with anger, make it as simple and as obvious as you can. You can explain about its consequences internally and externally and how to act clearly without it. How much you can explain does depend however, on the capacity of the person to understand it—some people just like being angry unfortunately.
Question: It’s strange, the more I try to awaken myself and get onto the spiritual path, the more I have subconsciously reconsidered the people who I considered really close friends and found that I haven’t actually really got as many close friends as I thought I did.
Belsebuub: That’s probably the effect of affinity. It can seem unnerving sometimes when you start to change and affinities with old friends go away, but new ones have yet to be found. They do arrive though, as long as you’re active enough, and not just sitting around at home communicating with no one.
Question: My daughter is four years old. Is there any way to help her stop using her egos? Can I in some way start training her properly?
Belsebuub: Good habits and good behavior from you would help to create a good personality for her, but that depends a lot on you and how good an example you are. Being understanding, explaining things to her, reasoning, creating a loving, harmonious home environment—these are just some of the things that will help her to form a good personality. If her egos are allowed to run riot, they will always express themselves through her easily.
Question: Everyone seeks to settle scores for wrongs people have done to them and we all see ourselves as victims by feeling anger toward people who have caused us suffering. If we remove all egos we have related to someone doing wrong to us so that we feel no anger or desire for revenge, do we then tell the person that they have done wrong, or just leave it?
Belsebuub: You have to have a clear mind and awareness to see what the appropriate way of responding to someone who has done you wrong is; when you are free of ego states you can act with intelligence. You can tell some people about an issue and they might learn from it, while others may just react and get angry, in other circumstances you may have to tell them whether they like it or not—it all depends on the situation.
Question: What if the wrong was not committed against us, but against another person? Sometimes when I see an injustice committed against another person, I want to speak out to make the person aware that they have done the wrong thing, but I guess that would be interfering wouldn’t it?
Belsebuub: It’s the same thing for wrongs done to other people. Sometimes it can be appropriate, but at other times you can get into a difficult or harmful situation that you don’t need to be in and can even interfere with another person’s life when you shouldn’t. Again, it’s being able to objectively see the situation and respond with a clear mind that helps. The intelligence of consciousness can enable us to instantly comprehend the situation and helps us to see more clearly what to do. But we can only act to the best of our capacity and learn from our mistakes. It’s inevitable that we make mistakes; the important thing is that we learn from them.
Question: When I try to deal with people in a higher way, that is, extend my help to them, but they refuse, I simply try to show them rather than through telling (i.e. by my actions, my serenity of spirit, and by the way I live, show them the right path). If they don’t take my advice or ignore it or keep on trying to change me, I just live the way I live and don’t allow them to affect me. Am I on the right track?
Belsebuub: It’s good to show others by your example, rather than by saying things that you don’t do. Then when you do say things, what you say has more meaning, but never let your words or actions feed your own pride.
Question: I have questions regarding the need for people to have their stories heard. In the area that I work it is important for people’s stories to be told, for example in grief.
Belsebuub: People in situations of grief and trauma can sometimes feel better by talking about it, as they feel loved and supported, and it can help them to resolve certain issues. It will help them if they also observe and remove their egos as they arise in their lives, otherwise they will feed them and will continue to be locked into their grip, even if it is just put under the surface. That’s if they are able to, because sometimes, in the grip of overwhelming grief it is just too much to be able to self-observe and attempt to understand oneself. Time has to pass before they feel capable of inner study.
Question: I realize the importance of forgiveness to moving on into growth. It helped to realize that forgiveness is about allowing yourself to free up the energy required to hold onto resentment so that one can move on, rather than any suggestion that the actions of someone else are ok.
Belsebuub: Certainly resentments and underlying anger need to go, but it’s not only a question of forgiveness, there’s also a need for you to understand yourself, the other person, and the situation. The more you understand, the more you will be able to deal with a situation. People can be helped to understand, but if they don’t know about their egos, there’s only so much they can do.
By not allowing the ego to be in yourself you save the energy it would have spent, and you save yourself from the internal and external consequences that it would have brought. And, when a detail of an ego is eliminated, the consciousness trapped in it is freed. Understanding and correct action in dealing with a situation are very important, as is eliminating the egos of resentment, revenge, hatred, anger, sadness, etc. When these are rooted out, then it’s possible to see the situation clearly and find some peace.
Question: Just wondering how our relationships will change when working with the elimination of the ego, because as far as I understand the more aware we become, the less self-centered we are and we live more for the whole. Does that mean we become more impersonal and move away from personal relationships?
Belsebuub: No, you strengthen your personal relationships because you strengthen love. The fewer egos you have, the more love, wisdom, and understanding you have too. If someone loves their family they can also feel love for humanity too and can help other people in their own spiritual and personal development, just as they contribute in a loving and positive way to their own family.
Question: My husband is not into this work. We were out driving on Saturday and somebody did something on the road, and my husband yelled and afterward (and this is the interesting part) he turned to me ashen-faced and said, “God, where did that come from! That was like it wasn’t even me who said that! It was like it came from outside of me!” I just nodded and said, “Now you know what I mean when I talk about the egos!”
So this is just to illustrate the fact that even people who are not observing themselves can recognize the separateness of the egos.
Belsebuub: Yes, quite right, these things apply to everyone. It’s just that most people close themselves to it, and although they may not be interested in the esoteric side of this study, they can nevertheless easily understand the principles involved in self-observation.
Question: I haven’t had any real issue with egos of anger over the past week but have observed some angry incidents. I am amazed at how much anger there is on our roads. I find that while driving I have to take care not to be drawn into the angry energies that are present with other drivers being impatient, sitting on your tail, cutting you off, taking risks while speeding, etc. And that’s not all—while in the city we observed one car get nudged by another because the driver didn’t take enough care when pulling out from his parking spot. There was no damage but the resulting fight between the two respectable looking businessmen was disturbing with one throwing punches and the other wielding an iron bar. It wasn’t until the police arrived that a stop was put to it and the two drivers departed feeling ashamed of themselves over how such a small incident could have gotten so out of hand. Certainly a lesson in how the effects of egos multiply if not checked!
Belsebuub: The egos are not far underneath the surface, even in the most respectable businessperson.
Question: I realize that I experience more anger than I thought I did. What I tend to do is swallow it more often than not. I also find myself getting angry and disappointed with my slothfulness and lack of progress. I am getting better at snapping out of this, but it’s hard to avoid getting down and then reacting to being down at times.
Belsebuub: Because everyone almost always feels right when angry, it’s easy for it to go unnoticed. You will do best to observe the ego and eliminate it rather than swallowing it, so that it at least reduces in strength and comes back weaker.
A way out of entropy and feeling down due to it is to increase the amount of spiritual exercises you’re doing, even if you don’t feel like doing them, or to change the ones you’re doing, for example to switch from analyzing an ego to mantras for a time, and then switch back to analyzing when you’re ready.
Question: What I find with my egos of anger is that I very often think I am in a relatively peaceful state and then massive anger appears as if out of nowhere. This really makes me question how it can appear so deceptively. I feel like this is something very deep inside me and I’m not sure where it goes first, the emotional center or to other centers. I feel it is very strongly connected with the sexual center, although I’m not sure how. I guess I just have to try harder with self-observation and elimination.
Belsebuub: Yes, anger can appear seemingly from nowhere sometimes. Have you noticed how places where lust is fed, such as nightclubs, often have violent acts taking place in or around them?
Question: I have found that anger is a cover-up for so many other things/egos. Once I have acknowledged I want to disintegrate the anger, I find a lot of emotions of pain, sadness, fear, lack of control, helplessness, frustration, etc., underneath. This is interesting given the amount of power that anger seems to have on the surface (especially in its effects on others). Do we need to label and feel what’s underneath before eliminating it? I find in some situations I have much less anger (or express it less), and in others, at home with my family, it’s so much harder.
Belsebuub: No, you don’t need to label anything; when you observe the ego, you feel it and see it with consciousness and that has an intelligence that is beyond thought.
There are egos that want to control, which can be very apparent in the family.
Question: I wonder, is it when we don’t observe or realize the stuff that is under the anger that it continually resurfaces?
Belsebuub: It can be that. Usually the underlying feeling or thoughts aren’t noticed until there’s an explosion of anger, but the time to observe it is as soon as the slightest detail or first manifestation gets in.
Question: Are you talking about a state where you just observe without judgment?
Belsebuub: Yes, you observe without the judgment of thought.
Question: I agree, maintaining control over anger around family members is challenging! I think it’s because they know which “buttons to push.” Plus, we’ve been around our family since we were born, so I think there’s a lot of telepathic communication that goes on below the surface, which also feeds each other’s egos. But by being “aware” around our family, we can change that somewhat, and stop feeding each other’s egos.
Belsebuub: Yes, quite right. There’s always a lot to study in family life.
Question: Even in the act of observing aren’t we putting some label/interpretation on it by the mind?
Belsebuub: No, in the actual act of observing you see without labeling. You can investigate how this works by trying it.
Question: Don’t the emotions/feelings have an important role to play in all this? I find it hard to believe they should be bypassed. What about love as a feeling?
Belsebuub: There are the basic workings of the five psychic centers such as emotion and instinct and we need these, but they get mixed in with energies from other centers due to egos, then thoughts, emotions, and feelings appear that are disconnected to an event in the present moment. Or it can be the case that any of the five psychic centers respond in the moment with energy that is of mixed up centers, and that causes the psyche to function in a low way.
Higher feelings are not in the five psychic centers; true love is a quality of the consciousness, and is not of the lower emotions. You’ll find it easier to feel the higher qualities the more your egos are eliminated and your psyche is transformed with alchemy and especially when your consciousness merges with the higher consciousness of your Being.
Question: I think my signs of anger are a tightening in the stomach with or without an explosion. I’ve found my explosions are less frequent with the elimination and observation.
Belsebuub: That’s a sure sign of anger.
Question: I can feel emotions like anger when I’m talking.
Belsebuub: Then you should learn to use the word more carefully and observe yourself when you speak. If you’re being forceful it’s a sign of anger, although you may not perceive it that way. Anger is being fed subtly through aggressive ways of talking; it’s better to speak clearly and give your views without pushing.
Question: Can you tell me more about the higher qualities, besides love, so that I may have a vision of what I’m aspiring to?
Belsebuub: Ideas of perfection can very often be misleading, as they can sometimes be based upon ideals that are quite unreal. But some of the qualities of the Being that can potentially merge with consciousness are understanding, compassion, wisdom, love, inner strength, care for others, justice, awakened consciousness, awakened psychic faculties, access to hidden knowledge, bliss, peace, and freedom from the chains of the world. These are some of the things; they are accessible to us and are gradually acquired on the path as the Being merges with us.
Question: I’m still not sure how to understand with observation.
Belsebuub: You can understand yourself with observation by actually observing yourself and going by the feeling of consciousness and ego. But for that you have to practice and investigate how it works. When you observe something within, you can understand it even before you can think about it.
Question: I noticed today the speed at which I “recovered” after an argument. In the past I have found that after a big argument I have been full of egos for days after and feel it in my emotional center for a long period of time. Today I found that within ten minutes of the argument I had calmed down into awareness mode and no longer felt the ego in my emotional center and was able to sort out the problem with this person soon after, while being in self-observation. I can only attribute this to the fact that I had done the technique to eliminate the egos to this ego many times before. Anyway, I’m starting to see my failures as a way to learn and improve myself rather than something to get depressed about.
Belsebuub: As the egos are reducing in size they tend to fight back as they try to hang on to survival, but you can make progress nonetheless. At some point too, a person may realize how bad they really are and then genuinely long to change—that’s when real progress starts to be made in spiritual awakening.
Question: There have been strange things going on this week. Just before going to sleep violent scenes come to my mind. It happens very quickly and it is very vivid. Sometimes it is something very violent happening to a family member or a frightening face appears. This is very frightening to me! Please explain to me what is going on and how long this will last. I don’t like violence at all, so what is this? Should I be doing something different to rid myself of these scenes?
Belsebuub: These are egos in the subconscious and when we go to sleep, they disconnect from the physical body and go into the fifth dimension. This usually goes unnoticed, but sometimes as you fall asleep you can be aware of the process of them leaving and can hear them as voices shouting and moaning, etc. In this case however, you are seeing the start of the dream images they create, which are the thoughts, images, and emotions that form the scenes of dreams and in which you suddenly find yourself in. These are arising from your subconscious; the elements and egos in them can be observed during daily life. As you reduce them and get rid of them in daily life, they are reduced and eliminated from your subconscious and from your dreams.
They will eventually go if you observe and eliminate them. They are egos on what is called “the dark side of the psychological moon,” which is in the darkness of the subconscious and a part of the psyche that people are not normally aware of. All that’s in the subconscious needs to be made conscious, and for that the egos have to be seen first—then they can be eliminated. But eventually you’ll have to be aware of everything that’s there, and it takes the process of enlightenment, the difficult path, to uncover them.
Question: I have had some problems with anger egos, mostly in relation to impatience and wanting to get more things done by rushing through things. At these times I have had some success with slowing down and practicing being in and enjoying the present rather than trying to get to the next thing as fast as possible. Also, there was an occasion in which I was annoyed with someone—I chose to confront the person rather than do nothing about it—but rather than being rude to the person, I directed the anger energy toward doing something about a situation I saw as unsatisfactory. This resulted in the problem being resolved mutually and we parted on good terms.
Belsebuub: Directing the energy of anger toward doing something about a situation you saw as unsatisfactory is not the right way to do it, as it allows your anger to feed. You’ll need to get rid of the anger itself, as much as you can; then you can function with the intelligence and wisdom that comes from consciousness.
Question: As I practice self-observation, I’m becoming more and more aware of my own egos, and a big one that I have trouble with is anger. The problem is that on the surface I am a very passive person. People see me as introverted, passive, compliant, even docile, and easily ridden right over. I never say no to anyone. I’m always known as the “good girl” and am obedient to my elders and bosses, etc. You know the Girl Guide type who helps little old ladies across the road with no thought of thanks. But, inside I am seething with an uncontrollable rage.
It is quite terrifying to observe, but I never let it “out” of my own mind. I never lose my temper. People don’t even think I have a temper at all, but if only they knew. I guess what I’m asking is, how can I conquer this dragon that lives inside me? People tell me to let it out, don’t hold everything inside. People say, “You’re too calm, you’ll end up with cancer if you don’t blow up now and then.” What are your suggestions? How do I destroy this ego without destroying myself in the process?
Belsebuub: Within everyone there is a mass of unpleasant egos waiting to arise given the right opportunity. They lurk behind many seemingly good and respectable people, often hidden from view.
Sometimes other egos such as fear or insecurity can mask and override many others in the normal course of events, but at any time, really nasty ones can arise.
There is a norm of respectable behavior that covers a lot, yet there is also the truly good side, which is the consciousness, which genuinely helps others.
Perhaps people are noticing that you tend to repress what’s inside you. Repression produces emotional leaks which people can spot. It’s not good, but neither is “letting it all out,” because that only feeds the egos, making them stronger the next time they appear. Instead, be aware, observe them, and get rid of them.
Observe the little aspects of those egos and root out the hidden elements that are inside. Then you will understand more about them and you can gradually reduce them until they go; this takes time. Over time by doing this, those feelings you’re repressing should reduce and there will be less and less inside to bottle up.
Question: Whole nations can be filled with anger over little comments that offend the nation’s egos. Take this a few steps further and you have whole nations heading off to war. It just shows that if everyone in the world spent a little bit more time on destroying their egos, what a different place it would be to live.
Belsebuub: Yes, the world would be a very different place if people were disintegrating their egos. As it is, we live in a tragic worldwide mess. It doesn’t have to be like this, it really doesn’t.