When I came across Belsebuub’s work back in Autumn 2005, I was at a point in my life where everything had drastically changed. I had just recovered from end of stage cancer, so the question of what was to come next often came to my mind. All I knew is that I felt that I had been given a second chance at life, and having come so close to death, I yearned for something more than what I had before.
Before my diagnosis, it seemed I had it all: I was already in a committed relationship and had a dog, I had a busy social life, had recently bought my first flat, and was attending a world renown university. Professionally, I had co-published my research work, and had a great mentor. It seemed all boxes were ticked.
Yet in the middle of all of this, questions that had followed me since childhood and which had often kept me awake at night still remained unanswered and with them, a part of me just always felt unfulfilled, empty and unhappy. What are we here for? How did we come into existence? What happens after we die? Is there a God? Is there a way to find out? Can I find out?
Learning How to Have Out of Body Experiences
By complete chance a couple of months after my last cancer treatment, and while I had been again pondering these questions, I came across a course on dreams and out of body experiences. It had been written by Belsebuub. I had always been intrigued in dreams, but I had never found any credible information.
Within a few weeks of the course, I was able to have several out of body experiences, one of which I was able factually verify. Talk about a life-changing moment! I now knew that there was more to me than this physical body, that my consciousness existed beyond the physical world, beyond my physical body.
So when the course touched on the fact that we could use out of body experiences for spiritual and self-knowledge, my interest grew, and I took on the next course.
The Searching Within Course by Belsebuub
The next course that Belsebuub had written was called Searching Within – it was about how to achieve inner peace through self-knowledge.
The self-knowledge component was very interesting to me, as while I was growing up, I had often wondered about what drove my actions and thoughts that I could not control: e.g. I would get mad and then say something hurtful to someone.
But why would I do that? What was the point of hurting someone back? For revenge? Then what is revenge? And what drives it and so forth.
I also wondered why when I would get anxious, I would say truly awkward things or something I did not even think or mean, yet still say it. How would that happen? And why?
Many times as a child and young adult, I would think back about my previous actions, trying to understand what motivated me to say or do such things. I would often feel remorse for what I had done or said, but I did not know how to change what had made it happen, and the same mistakes seemed to repeat, sometimes to a lesser degree, sometimes worse. But I felt powerless, not really understanding how change was even possible.
So to come across information in the Searching Within course that not only said that I could actually change but also explained how it could be done, was ground breaking for me.
Learning about Awareness and Self Observation
Learning about the different ways of being, the consciousness and the egos made complete sense to me, as I was now able to put a name to these different ways of being I had seen in myself without knowing what they were. I now understood ‘who’ had been wondering about my previous actions and feeling the remorse (my consciousness) and ‘who’ was behind my actions most of the times (the egos). I never knew the consciousness and egos existed as separate entities.
Learning about the centers enabled me to identify where these egos originated. Added to this new information, I learned about awareness and self-observation. It was one thing to learn and read about these topics, but another to experience directly what Belsebuub was writing about.
I found that by beginning to observe myself, I could see that most of the times I was not really in control of what I was doing, often times being lost in my thoughts rehashing past events, or daydreaming about possible future scenarios. I realized I was never ‘here’, never present but always caught up in my past or extrapolating on my many imaginary futures…
And little by little, I started to see how I would often times engage in this ‘auto-pilot mode’ where I would live my life from morning to evening, being lost in all these various inner states and daydreams. I got things done, but I was not ‘there’ – instead being lost in the world of my mind and emotions, which when I paid attention to, I saw that they were highly repetitive and far from making me happy..
Seeing Improvements in My Life
Through practice and with time, I recognized my egos, and saw first-hand how they would arise within me, and come and go. With self-observation, I was able to see through my consciousness the egos acting within me. I could even feel at the end of the day how they would have depleted my energies, for example, how I would feel drained after an emotional outburst, or have no energy when I would feel depressed and so forth after a difficult and painful day.
So it was not just an intellectual understanding that I was getting, but this practical aspect in Belsebuub’s work helped me to change my perspective on life. While for years, I had felt that there was no point to life, now I could see that there was, I could learn about my self.
It was also magical to see how the astral world and self-knowledge worked hand-in-hand, something that again I had learned in Belsebuub’s courses, how what we go through during the day influences what happens during sleep and vice-versa.
For example, I would at times get a premonition in my dreams of the day to come, at other times, a dream would show me how anger was predominant in me. Other times, I would go through stress and worries in my daily life, and my dreams would reflect those inner states. Life became like a big school – I could see how what happened during the day shaped what happened at night.
And every week in the Searching Within course, there was a new practice to learn that I could use and apply through my day. This enabled me to see how relevant and practical what had been talked about in the course was to my life – in a sense, by applying and practicing things such as the ‘O’ mantra, I could for example uncover how intuition worked, learn to recognize it and learn how to use it during that week.
And by using what Belsebuub explained in the Searching Within course; I was able to bring myself back to the moment, learning to use my senses to perceive life as it happened. And doing this helped me become calmer, more patient and accepting of others.
It had been one thing to read how I could see what was governing me, but an entirely different manner to then truly see it for myself, and experience it. This was a real breakthrough. I now knew that inner change was possible as Belsebuub talked about, and that there was a way out of these unwanted emotions and thoughts within me.
I saw how my egos would block the real me, my consciousness from not only expressing itself, but also perceiving life around me as it truly happened.
The Chance for a New World
One point that also stood out to me was how Belsebuub talked about how society is made up of individuals, and how each individual contribution is what makes up society. It made me realize that if many people changed, there could be a profound change in society, a profound change in the world for the better.
This further made me reflect on the possible world we could actually live in, and this made me understand why change in the world could only start to happen with change at an individual level as he so clearly explained. Hence the importance of self-knowledge and inner change.
This realization gave me another reason to appreciate what Belsebuub taught in his work, and the profound impact and wisdom that was contained within his book and 9-week course. It was definitely not like anything I had ever come across before or heard about.
Finding Purpose to My Life
Through using what I had learned in the Searching Within course, my experiences gave me an understanding that life is there for learning – it opened my eyes to the fact that I can take control of what I think and do, and no longer simply go through events reacting and being controlled by them.
I remember another person taking the course once saying, “it doesn’t necessarily make life easier, but it sure makes it worthwhile” – and I felt the same. Events in life come and go, from a stressful job interview, to staying honest in a heated argument and accepting my mistakes, to welcoming a baby, to losing a family member, life is truly made of ups-and-downs – yet each of these moments can be used to learn about myself, to let go of judgments, of negativity, and instead understand these egos for what they are and make way through self-observation and understanding their opposites: compassion, love.
What I learned in the course also helped me shift responsibilities of events toward myself, instead of looking to the outside for blame. It helped me see various situations from a different angle, even from another person’s perspective – and what a game changer to experience compassion, care and love toward others.
It helped me improve my relationships with my family as well as becoming a stronger woman. This course even helped me to overcome my fear of flying! The list could go on and on really, as it is hard to really put into words how life changing this course has been and continues to be for me, even a decade after first taking it.
The Searching Within Course that Belsebuub wrote was a course that opened my eyes to the potential and purpose of human life – one that is not based on beliefs but on experience, and I no longer have this sense of needing to fill a void within me. I know what this void had been calling for and I am thankful for now knowing how to answer it.
Reflecting on all that I have gained from taking this course, something really does stand out to me: the clear practical guidance that Belsebuub gives in his work is what has enabled me to gain this understanding, something that I have not found or come across anywhere else.
~ Geraldine Price