I attended the Searching Within course of The Gnostic Movement in 2007 at the Greek study center of Athens. Prior to this I had been participating in Gnosticweb’s online forums. I had been presented with the choice to attend either the Astral course or the Searching Within course. At the moment I had been aiming to overcome some harmful habits and change myself to become a better person so the Searching Within course sounded suitable for me.
What had mostly attracted me to the Searching Within course was its statement that it would show me the tools to know myself better, uncover my subconscious drives and change. Comments in the forums by previous course participants were also very motivating. People were saying that the methods of the Searching Within course and the course structure itself were very effective.
On an intellectual level, I was familiar with some of the ideas that I thought would be presented in the course and so I kind of knew what to expect. However, the approach and structure of the lessons taught in the Searching Within course were quite different to anything I had found before.
Simplicity and Practicality
The course was very simple and the information had a greater emphasis on being practical rather than theoretical. The terminology and the way things were explained was comprehensible and easy to follow. I had no difficulty grasping what was being described. Usually the methods were becoming clearer when I applied them during the session or during the day.
The theoretical part of the lecture was usually relatively short. The focus was mainly on giving a context and describing how to apply the methods during the day. I had found this approach very helpful. It was enabling me to better understand how to practice and get results. I had felt I had found a school of self-knowledge. One that helped me delve deep within myself in a very uncomplicated manner, giving me inspiration to apply the methods during my everyday life. Having clear instruction on how to practice was also enabling me to take initiative and improve the way I applied the methods.
I also bought the book The Peace of the Spirit Within by Belsebuub. The course was based on it. Reading the book along with the course helped me understand how to apply the methods better but also get a hint of the role that self-knowledge plays in the process of inner change.
From early on in the course I had started having results. My dreams had started becoming clearer and more orderly. This order helped me remember them better. This enabled me to see and understand the correlation that exists between dreams and my everyday life.
I had also started to understand how my egos were functioning in me. By studying them I started to realize how harmful habits get a grip on me and how they get fed if they are not noticed. Getting to know myself, both my good and my bad side, I was able to know myself deeper and become more conscious of my psychology.
It was quite impressive to me that simple techniques like the ones that were taught early on in the Searching Within course could have a considerable impact in my life. These results were giving me more encouragement to carry on with my practices.
I was always looking forward for the next session in order to find out a new technique and delve even deeper into understanding the workings of my psychology. I started realizing many things about myself. I had realized that I did not need to live with addictions and unwanted habits. They did not need to be part of my life and I was learning how to remove them. Before that I had just accepted them as part of my character and way of being. Because of a lack of understanding, ignorance and confidence, I had felt too weak to deal with the harmful aspects of myself.
Applying Belsebuub’s Technique for Self-Observation
Self-observation was one of my favorite techniques that I learned from the Searching Within course. It helped me a lot to face and overcome my egos rather than believe they are inseparable from me. I found it amazing that by observing myself during the day in a mindful, clear and alert state, I could acquire a significant amount of information about myself and my ego states while experiencing a certain level serenity. This information sometimes came within a very short period of time. It could be in a discussion with a colleague at work or a relative or a friend. If I remembered to be observing myself during the situations of life I was getting to know myself in ways I had never imagined. I was getting to see my inner states as they arose in the events of life. Seeing them as they emerged from deep within my psychology was helping me understand the way they function and feed.
Learning how to combine awareness and self-observation during the day with the insights I was taking from my dreams was invaluable. The course was giving me the tools I needed and the guidance to use them. It was then up to me how I would apply them. When I was giving it a good go I could feel the difference very quickly. Dreams sometimes would not only give me guidance of the states I needed to study and remove from within myself but also on how to use the methods I was given during the course.
At some point I had a dream that helped me understand self-observation better. I was in a setting where I was watching myself. There was this other person that I knew was me but at the same time it felt different than me. That part of myself I was observing was separate from me and had no power over me. I was in control. That dream helped me understand the separation I needed to have when I was exploring and observing my egos.
This and other dreams I had about my inner states were giving me strong hints that the course I was taking was not only very effective but it also had a lot of depth. The techniques I was practicing were not just helping me change the way I am externally. They were not only helping me to overcome bad habits and personality traits but they were also showing me that there is a different way of being and living; a more spiritual and esoteric one.
By applying the methods of the Searching Within course I was able to verify that there is more to life than the eyes can see. I was able to perceive the interactive nature of everyday life with dreams and out-of-body experiences. I was able to verify that I have the ability to study, influence and change myself and my life.