The self-knowledge information in the Searching Within Course has been the most important self-development learning I have come across. When I first started looking to learn about myself I never knew that I would have found the answers in spirituality, but since learning about this self-knowledge information it has come to make a lot of sense that it is based in spirituality.
I had come to see in my early adult years that the root of the problems I faced in many of my relationships, from partners to friends and family, as well as a feeling of unhappiness, was there in the way I thought and felt towards others and towards life generally. Though I came to see it stemming from within me I didn’t know how or what to do about it in a real way to change it. I had tried certain courses through my university studies to try and discover how to understand my own life, taking up psychology, sociology and even philosophy, but as interesting as they were I came away unfortunately with no better understanding of myself in terms of why I thought and felt the way that I did, and how to be truly happy in my heart.
I also went along to conflict resolution seminars offered for free at work which were helpful to a certain extent like the courses at university but I couldn’t see how to get to the root of the problem through this approach of dealing with things of life with just a positive outlook, doing things differently or just having more resolve to be happy. I kind of gave up looking in this way for a while.
Overcoming an Intense State of Fear
Not long after this period, I developed panic attacks literally overnight and that affected my life dramatically, gripped with an intense fear that arose seemingly out of nowhere. I then also started to have growing fears of having a panic attack as well. I turned to a psychologist recommended by a friend and though they were caring it didn’t get to the heart of the problem that I was facing. I also started to have very interesting dreams that showed me that through this situation things that had been hidden were going to come out. I didn’t want to give into the panic attacks as a way of life and instead thought there must be a reason that I was going through this, and that maybe that it was something I could learn from and help others deal with this very crippling fear one day.
I was very fortunate to have come across the self-knowledge information contained in the Searching Within course, because it was precisely what I had been hoping for but without knowing it actually existed let alone that it was contained within spirituality.
The self-knowledge information as it unfolded week by week helped me to overcome panic attacks day by day, to learn how to observe my thoughts and feelings – not just know that they existed. It became a very intriguing time of self-discovery and I began to see the potential of profound change that this information offered. Belsebuub’s Searching Within course helped me a great deal to face the fear within me, to learn how it existed and in what way. Learning about what fear is, where it comes from and why I was experiencing fear was very important for me to overcome it, however it wasn’t until I started to practice the self-observation technique Belsebuub explained to observe how the thoughts and feelings existed and how they gripped me that I then got to see the reality of this incredible body of knowledge and wisdom.
Learning to Be Conscious
Being able to learn about self-observation and awareness of the present moment explained why I was able to see the thoughts I had been noticing in my early adult years. I used to wonder how was it possible for the mind to be able to see itself like that, because I had no idea about consciousness or what it was. So when I learned about consciousness and how to be conscious, not in the ordinary sense of just being awake, it was quite incredible because it meant that those negative thoughts and feelings belonged to the subconscious and it was my consciousness that was perceiving it. Now that made sense, and the more I practiced being aware during the day, the more I came to see many more thoughts and feelings that I hadn’t noticed before but surprisingly were shaping the way I thought, felt and lived my life and my relationships with people.
This self-discovery information in the Searching Within course, which later became the book The Peace of the Spirit Within by Belsebuub, has been a life changer for me and has helped me to see life in a fresh, real and meaningful way and it gave me the way to change within. With this information nothing is mundane in life, whereas before I’d always be trying to chase the next exciting thing. I never knew spirituality could be so real to life, so magical and so extraordinary. I started to also have out-of-body experiences through the small inner changes I was experiencing with self-observation and awareness. I later explored this phenomena through another of Belsebuub’s courses on astral travel and it was wonderful to be able to tap into my pursuit of self-discovery through dreams and OBEs. It opened my understanding to see that nothing exists in isolation and that everything has a cause and effect from day to night and night to day. I got to see that I could begin to learn in ways that I didn’t know were possible.
Being able to overcome panic attacks, the fear of having out-of-body experiences and the fear of driving have been incredible changes that I’ve experienced through the wisdom given in this course and Belsebuub’s books. In my efforts to overcome the fear of having an out-of-body experience, and actually having my own experiences, I realized that there was nothing to fear and in fact I wish I had pursued OBEs much earlier. I was able to learn to see that the fear was baseless, it was just the fear of the unknown, and the actual out-of-body experiences I had were magical, wonderful and a great portal of discovery that offered incredible opportunities of spiritual learning. In a similar way the fear of driving had me gripped for many years and stopped me from learning to drive, based on a fear of ‘what if’, but again learning to see the fear and to work on overcoming it I learnt to drive which has opened up work opportunities, being able to live life more freely and has saved me a lot of time.
Though I still have aspects of fear within me, it’s now something that I’m interested in learning about instead of just wanting it to go away, or ‘fearing’ it, and this understanding helps me to be free of it too. It’s been a very interesting self-discovery journey over these years and the incredible wisdom in this information never stops unfolding the more that I apply the techniques given in Belsebuub’s work.
An Unforgettable Experience with Self-Knowledge
One of my most memorable moments of how truly this self-knowledge information is a core part of spirituality was when one afternoon many years ago now, I was in a very low state of feeling down about myself. In trying to come out of the grip of these strong emotions through self-observation and awareness in the present moment, I prayed asking my spiritual being to please help me to be free of these compulsive thoughts that had a strong hold. I was also applying the technique of the elimination of an ego, that I learnt in a later course as best as I could and was appealing to my spiritual being for a lot of help. In that asking and having faith that my being was hearing me, an incredible sense of peace, beyond anything that I had felt before, came over me and in that moment all those low emotions and thoughts were gone instantly, completely not there anymore. Instead I just felt an amazing experience of this unique sense of peace that I had never felt before. That was my experience of the ‘Peace of the Spirit Within’ and it’s that peace that I look to experience and have as the goal to work towards. It gives me the hope and the strength to overcome the many negative and unwanted thoughts, feelings and behaviors within me.
I am so appreciative of Belsebuub’s work through all his books and courses and I love the way he explains things so simply, clearly and methodically. I go back to his works time and time again, the information never grows old, in fact the more I go back to it the more new things I grasp as I try to learn more about myself. He truly brings forward a work of wisdom as infinite as the learning one is willing to undertake.
~ Layla Fowler
I know what you mean Michael, every little change spurs me on to keep going too. Yes it was such a relief Michael, as the panic attacks would make my heart beat really hard and fast and I thought I was having a heart attack – it was painful. I was terrified of being left alone or if someone close the door in the room or turned off the light at night. These panic attacks literally happened overnight, and crippled my ability to live normally for a while. I heard that people lived with panic attacks all their lives on medications, and I didn’t want the rest of my life to be like that. My first resolve was that there was something that I had to learn from this experience that would help others and what was interesting was the psychologist I was seeing at that time, which also happened to be the time I started the Searching Within course, told me that I didn’t need to continue with her sessions because the information I had found was helping me. It took me aback to hear her say that, and it showed that it wasn’t just me that could see how powerful the Searching Within course was in overcoming these panic attacks, this person who was a trained psychologist saw it too, and I was very grateful for her honesty and her true care towards me.
That’s interesting Layla – how the psychologist recognised the value of the principles you were applying to your life. I actually had a slightly similar comment when I went to see a health professional, whose main treatment was CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). She said that it seemed I was already using the tools of that treatment and that it may be helpful if I shared my experience with other patients, in order to help them.
The panic attacks sound really horrible, so I can imagine it must be such a relief to have overcome them without the need to be dependent on medication. I can relate to the feeling of freedom from inner states that once seemed so overwhelming that I felt consumed by them.
Thanks for sharing Layla. The more I read people’s experiences the more I see that most people were struggling with a particular form of the way the egos turn on us and make our lives miserable, before learning how to find the strength they need to overcome this within themselves, through applying the techniques of self-knowledge. And the more I grow up, and see what happens when people don’t have these tools or understanding, is just how much people struggle and suffer in their absence. It’s so real for me now to see that all of life is suffering, it’s just weather we voluntarily suffer, with the work of self-knowledge for awakening, or involuntarily suffer. The egos just bring suffering!
I hope your account is an inspiration to the many who struggle with fear and panic attacks, as well as everyone who is looking for the answer to finding ‘their way’ in life, finding true meaning, purpose, and peace.
Hi Ella
Thank you for your comments. The ego’s do bring suffering and looking around the world, and seeing how these inner states have shaped our humanity, from within each person, and made our world full of negativity, hatred, fear, deceit, greed and so much more is very sad – especially when there is a real way to be truly free, happy and in peace. The Searching Within course really opened my eyes to the fact that as long as we as individuals don’t find inner peace, than the world, which is sum of billions of individuals won’t find it en mass either. I am no different to any other person in this world and we all have have the ability to experience inner peace, which is incredibly empowering and I truly hope, like you do, that more people will see the opportunity that lies within them and take it up.
Thanks so much Layla for sharing this. I can relate to what you say about fear. And I think I used to have panic attacks also, but I never told anyone about them. I didn’t know what was happening. But out of nowhere, I would just get this awful feeling, like I was sinking into a hole and everything felt totally hopeless. I could be doing anything, really, and that feeling would just suddenly overwhelm me and eventually pass. It seemed to come though, when I was feeling stressed or tired, and not safe.
But after learning about self-knowledge, those moments had less power over me, and eventually went away entirely. It’s quite amazing to realize this.
Thanks also for sharing that beautiful experience of peace. It makes me feel that we’re never alone and always listened to, and that we can ask for help anytime.
It’s great that you were able to break free of those awful sinking feelings Anne Linn. What a relief for you.
What a beautiful testimony to read, thank you for sharing Layla. I can particularly relate to the problems with fear, as it can literally arise out of nowhere and persist for quite some time. I remember when getting the technique of elimination of the negative inner states on this course, I wondered if it would work on the weird and sudden feelings of anxiety I used to feel here and there, in the most unusual circumstances. For example while working behind computer on my job as usual, with nothing out-of-the-ordinary happening, I would suddenly feel a tension around stomack area that reached up to the chest. These tensions would come and go, and it seemed like I had no control over them. So I was curious if applying the technique I learned on the course would help, and it did. I literally could not believe it. I waited and waited, but the tensions never came back afterwards, at least not in such unrelated circumstances anymore. That having said, fear is still a big one for me, especially if it feels “righteous”, like when walking through a forest or when a life situation is threatening in some way. In those situations, I tend to feel torn between the need to apply the elimination technique and praying for protection. :-)
It seems that the people this course reached were impacted hugely by it. I know I was.
Thanks for taking us through some of the things you were facing, such as fears, and how you managed to properly start changing them Layla.
One of the first things you mentioned stuck with me, of how the psychological study can be seen as something separate to spirituality. This made me think a bit and the way to explain it might not be so quick. But I guess for someone it can require more esoteric experience to know of their intimate relationship, and how deeply the two are part of the same thing. I feel very fortunate to have been given the information by Belsebuub which paints the full picture of the reason for self-knowledge, and not just parts of the bigger picture which I can see would totally disable a person from real inner progress.
The force of prayer can lead to some amazing things and that experience of peace given to you by your higher being sounds amazing, soothing and calming :-)
That’s an interesting point Karim. I once read that all these things, like philosophy, psychology, sciences, mathematics etc used to all be part of spirituality at one time, but they became separated and each one was dissected from its whole and treated as though autonomous from the rest, which is why I feel they don’t serve humanity like they should, and have thus become strange in their isolation and have estranged us from their meaning and purpose. It seems to me that this separation has left spirituality to be considered as though it is only a ‘belief’, when in actual fact from my personal observations through the self knowledge techniques that I learnt though Belsebuub’s work, that it is a real inner science that is provable, verifiable and that can be seen in the natural laws of life.
Thanks Layla for sharing your experience of inner change, through applying the techniques from Belsebuub’s work. I can imagine it must have come as such a relief to be free of the panic attacks, as well as seeing significant changes in other areas of your life, including in relationships.
Like you, I studied psychology at university and tried various self-help techniques, including hypnosis, but I still found it difficult to actually bring about lasting changes in my habits and behaviours. By contrast, the changes that have come about in my life since finding Belsebuub’s work have been significant, which makes me want to continue practicing the techniques that I learnt.